Family of Five

Just another crazy week at the Pizzuto house. We had family come in from Minnesota, Jan came down with Bronchitis, we had Easter, and we're on spring break! And who doesn't love spring break??

We are feeling like a five person family now. We are no longer the four of us... with a guest. But, frankly, we haven't been that for some time. Now we're looking ahead to court processes being started, a change from a foster worker to an adoption worker with DSS (although, Wendy, we will miss you if you don't keep coming over!), and - finally - an end to the waiting for things to be final. Christian needs the stability of finalization, and we're excited about that feeling, too.

We spent some time out on the boat -- can you believe that the weather has been so amiable in the beginning of April?? But it HAS!! And the kids have had a wonderful spring break, filled with swimming in an icy cold lake, boating, playing in the MUD... yes, mud... jumping on the trampoline, hiking in the woods, and all those other wonderful things that children should be doing for fun. :)

The kids have all started their horseback riding lessons -- and they're doing excellently. They are looking forward to a week of horse camp this summer.

So lots of positive experiences... we all enjoyed very much our visit with Kathy, Miranda and Wynnie... and it was fun to see more of the local family as well over the Easter holiday. I've welcomed the break from school, and now - after this week - I'm looking forward to summer vacation! This relaxed atmosphere is where it's at! I'm going to have to start lobbying for shorter school days with a later start, I'm thinkin'.

All in all, things are wonderful. Our family of five is lovin' life. Thanks to all of you for following along on our adventure, for your support and encouragement, and for your interest in our lives.

As Normal As We Get

I think it's safe to say it's official. We've settled in. Things have started to feel "normal." And yes, for those of you who know me well, I can already hear the jokes about my lack of normalcy.

Adoption is a strange thing... because who, other than an adoptive parent, can start to relax once the kids begin to bicker? But in reality, the little bickering shows me that they are beginning to really feel like siblings. That is, after all, the goal. And when Christian comes to me and says, "What's the matter with him?? He's makin' me so mad!" I must say, I rejoice. She not only feels comfortable enough to get mad, she's cool with telling me about it as well! (Not that Christian telling me about something is unique or new... she certainly does know how to speak her mind.)

Life in the Pizzuto house has settled down to a dull roar. (Okay, sometimes the roar isn't all that dull and I'm still tempted by the idea of earplugs.) But we're all more used to one another now, knowing more what to expect in different situations. The uncomfortable feeling of just not knowing each other at all is gone -- and now it's that usual life-long process of continuing to learn and grow together.

To put it short, we're not only a family, we also feel like a family. It's a good thing.

And now, for the pictures....

The girls decided to play dress-up for a bit last weekend. They had a blast:

And what a hoot to take them to the store with me... they spent a good fifteen minutes trying on all different kinds of glasses. I even got the information from Christian that she thinks it's rotten luck that she has good eyesight. She wants some glasses.

Two incredibly active kids have a grand time getting their energy out on the trampoline. They're crazy, but they're fun!

Settlin' In

The bunk beds are here and put together, the dressers arrived, things have been moved, stuff has been stored, school has begun, sicknesses cured... so it seems we're settling in. It's hard to believe that it's been over two weeks since I've found time to write -- but then again, not so hard to believe.

Christian had a birthday... we celebrated with some family, then took her to her first trip ever to Chuck E Cheese. Fun was had by all! On top of the celebrations, family members from far away sent gifts as well! She had great fun getting all the gifts and mail.

We've taken a trip to the Science Center, to the movie theater, twice to the bowling alley... we've had snowfalls, the puke flu, and strep throat. We've gone to doctor appointments, to school, to homeschool co-op sign up... and still we've found time to get Christian organized into her new shared room with Riana. It's a crazy life, I tell ya! My house is a mess, but we're happy.

The kids are beginning to settle in like siblings. They all get along marvelously (which, I guess, is not so much like siblings)... Barak spends time with Christian helping her with her homework, playing outside, sharing his legos, playing with her horses, and basically getting his social fix every single day. He feels like he died and went to heaven.

Riana is enjoying some alone time, but is going and playing with the other kids when she wants. It's a newfound freedom for her... there isn't anybody constantly harassing her to do things she doesn't want to do, but she's frequently invited to play and always welcome.

Barak and Christian share an energy level that is unequalled by anybody else living in this particular house. I'm sure there are children out there with a higher level of insane play, but this is a new experience for me. They feed off each other and sometimes the noise level in the house gets quite high. I have spent a small (very small) amount of time wondering if earplugs would make me a bad mother.

The reality of it is, there's plenty of work left to do in adjusting to our new family. There are more of us now... more personalities, more quirks, more rambunctiousness... but there is more love, more creativity, more hilarity (yes, you should hear some of the things she will say), and more meaning. I wouldn't take this back for anything in the world -- we love her already and can't imagine not having her.

Now if I could just get the elementary school to start one hour later... I really do love my sleep - and this super-early rising is just... not for me.

Ahhh... yawn... ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

What's a Move-In Date??

As you can see from the pictures, Christian has quite a personality on her! Every time I tried to get a shot, she would smile sweetly and then - at the very last minute - make a goofy face. It wasn't until Riana started to get super goofy with her that she couldn't control the laughter. But here is a picture of the girls:

And here is a picture of all three kids:

Christian had her "weekend visit" which has simply been changed to she's "here to stay." Who needs a move in date when she's already moved in, right? So, she doesn't have to go back to her previous placement, not even for one night.

What a weekend we have had, too!! We got a serious load of snow dumped on us both Friday and Saturday. I spent most of my weekend washing and drying play-clothes for outside. I had three kids coming in and out, in and out... out long enough to get cold, in long enough to drink hot chocolate. I'm sure you can see where I got tired of laundry. But snow is a pretty rare occurrence here in NC, so you can hardly blame them.

There were many questions from Christian over the weekend about timing. How long did she get to stay? When would she come back? Did she have to wait to come back until she was adopted? And the list goes on... For some questions, I had answers. For some - I had nothing to offer but a hug with an assurance that I would do what I could to find an answer for her. Telling her she was here to stay was priceless. Have you ever had a hug from a child that was so tight you weren't sure if your insides were being squeezed out? Yes, THAT hug. I got one.

I have three children. I know she's not legally ours - not yet. But she's ours all the same.

Friends and family, meet our Christian!

What a Change in Me!

(by Jan Pizzuto)

What a process this has been! It's amazing, heartbreaking, and insightful to learn what these children go through who are in the care of Social Services.

I am honored and thrilled to have Christian with us for her first visit. She is vivacious, open, and likes to smile. She's absolutely adorable. I'm looking forward to the days ahead.

It's amazing to me that just a couple years ago, I said a very definite No when Jodi expressed interest in adopting. I've already had kids. I don't need to make my life any more complicated, I thought.

Then one day, it dawned on me that this wasn't just a passing fancy for Jodi. This was a dream of hers. She's always been good about supporting my dreams, so I began to think and pray about it. Gradually, I gave way a little at a time (I'm rather stubborn and thick-skulled, you know) until one day, I agreed to go through the certification process.

We agreed that we'd just get certified, and then if God sent some kids our way, we'd know he wanted us to do this. I guess I pictured kids showing up in a basket on the doorstep or something of the sort.

The classes were excellent, and I learned a good deal about parenting. I'd recommend the classes for new parents or prospective parents: they are eye-opening.

Some of these children experience horrendous, wrenching changes in their lives. Imagine you are a child, and a social worker shows up at your house, instructs you to gather your belongings-no more than a bag of stuff, and takes you away from your family. You don't know if you'll ever see them again. Even for a child who has negligent or abusive parents, this sudden separation is incredibly traumatic!

These children then enter the system where they are sent generally to multiple foster homes. Some of these experiences are good and some are not so good, but these are only temporary situations and they don't allow the child to put down roots.

Some of these kids then are returned home to their families. Others are put up for adoption. In both of these situations, things do not always go smoothly. I wish I could say that every time a child was adopted out, they were met with loving, patient arms and there was a happy ending, but I can't say that.

Some of these kids end up getting rejected by their adoptive families as well! Can you imagine after being rejected by your birth parents, you were rejected by your adoptive family as well? What kind of neuroses this would create, I can only imagine. We have been following a case of a sibling group; a boy and girl who after being rejected many times, have now been split from each other and are being adopted out separately! The only constant they have had in life was eachother, and now that's being taken away from them too.

So sometimes the system itself does damage. In our case, we were fortunate to have a good social worker. In fact, everyone with whom we worked directly has been very kind.

Jodi has done a great job of helping me appreciate and enjoy kids. She is great at being open with them about expectations, about seeing their strengths, and loving them through it all. She is also good at just being playful. She's a kid-magnet and always has been.

Between Jodi and the adoption process, I have flat-out changed. I find myself falling in love with kids everywhere I go, wanting to take them home with me. I appreciate them- their spunk, their forthrightness, and their energy.

I've gone from not wanting to adopt, to truly looking forward to it.

Any of you dads out there who are concerned about adoption, give it time, and be open to the possibility. It's a chance to change lives, both of kids and of your own.

Any worries I had about disrupting what I considered to be our perfect family are being quickly dispelled. In fact, I see our family changing, but it's for the better. I've watched our children undergo some of the same change I have experienced through the process. Their hearts have gone out to these children and they have been willing to sacrifice a lot to help them- I'm so proud of their thoughtfulness and patience.

Adoption requires a huge leap of faith, but what a unique chance to grow and learn to love more fully! God has done some amazing work in my heart. What a change in me He has wrought.

The Big Day

Today is the big day. Christian comes to visit our family for the entire weekend. She should be here this morning... such excitement that has been in this house. Barak couldn't sleep last night and I found him reading with his head lamp on (yes, he has a work-light that straps to his head). Riana was bouncing off the walls as I put her to bed last night, even though she's just gotten over the flu. Jan was telling me a few times last night how excited he was for the weekend.

I was saying Riana is getting over the flu?? Yes, well -- that's a story. I made phone calls like crazy on Tuesday, trying to find a way for us to meet Christian before the weekend. I was looking at it from a child's point of view and thinking how scary it must be to know for a whole week (light years in child-speak) that you're going to stay for a whole weekend (centuries) with some people you've never seen, never talked to... and I started to worry about her. SO... many phone calls and emails later, we had phone visitation. And one more discussion got us an in-person visit scheduled for... the very next day.

Such excitement was abounding in the Pizzuto house! Woo-hoo! We were all going to pile in the car, go to the DSS office, and meet her... talk to her. Get to know her a little. And then it happened. In the middle of the night, Riana started throwing up and didn't stop -- all night long. One exhausting night, a morning in bed... and Riana was up and in the bathtub, trying to get ready to meet her new sister. She was a trooper. She was determined. She was... sick. She gave up, crying, and said she couldn't go.

Jan graciously insisted on staying home with Riana, and Barak and I went to meet her.

She's wonderful. Funny, talkative, easy to engage... she says everything that comes into her head! How can you not like a child like that? To never have to wonder what's going on inside there... perfect! Barak brought along the Connect 4x4 and within two minutes they were on the floor playing game after game.

Christian expressed disappointment when our visiting time was over. And she came to me and quietly said, "Maybe... if it snows... they'll let me come to your house Thursday instead! That way, I can stay longer."

So it seems my worries about her being afraid were unfounded. But it was still wonderful to have a chance to meet her. And now the day has arrived where the whole family will not only meet her - but live with her for a weekend.

And then... another post.

Moving Fast

Next weekend is the big weekend. We get to meet our new daughter - she will be staying with us from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon.

According to my social worker, DSS is pushing for a move-in date. They had wanted to move her in next weekend without a visit, but our SW has our back. She wouldn't allow that. Whew!! She did warn me, though, that DSS will be pushing for a move-in date after the weekend.

I guess I shouldn't have complained so much about how I hate the "wait and see" stuff. I am apparently not going to get any more of that at all!!