What a Change in Me!

(by Jan Pizzuto)

What a process this has been! It's amazing, heartbreaking, and insightful to learn what these children go through who are in the care of Social Services.

I am honored and thrilled to have Christian with us for her first visit. She is vivacious, open, and likes to smile. She's absolutely adorable. I'm looking forward to the days ahead.

It's amazing to me that just a couple years ago, I said a very definite No when Jodi expressed interest in adopting. I've already had kids. I don't need to make my life any more complicated, I thought.

Then one day, it dawned on me that this wasn't just a passing fancy for Jodi. This was a dream of hers. She's always been good about supporting my dreams, so I began to think and pray about it. Gradually, I gave way a little at a time (I'm rather stubborn and thick-skulled, you know) until one day, I agreed to go through the certification process.

We agreed that we'd just get certified, and then if God sent some kids our way, we'd know he wanted us to do this. I guess I pictured kids showing up in a basket on the doorstep or something of the sort.

The classes were excellent, and I learned a good deal about parenting. I'd recommend the classes for new parents or prospective parents: they are eye-opening.

Some of these children experience horrendous, wrenching changes in their lives. Imagine you are a child, and a social worker shows up at your house, instructs you to gather your belongings-no more than a bag of stuff, and takes you away from your family. You don't know if you'll ever see them again. Even for a child who has negligent or abusive parents, this sudden separation is incredibly traumatic!

These children then enter the system where they are sent generally to multiple foster homes. Some of these experiences are good and some are not so good, but these are only temporary situations and they don't allow the child to put down roots.

Some of these kids then are returned home to their families. Others are put up for adoption. In both of these situations, things do not always go smoothly. I wish I could say that every time a child was adopted out, they were met with loving, patient arms and there was a happy ending, but I can't say that.

Some of these kids end up getting rejected by their adoptive families as well! Can you imagine after being rejected by your birth parents, you were rejected by your adoptive family as well? What kind of neuroses this would create, I can only imagine. We have been following a case of a sibling group; a boy and girl who after being rejected many times, have now been split from each other and are being adopted out separately! The only constant they have had in life was eachother, and now that's being taken away from them too.

So sometimes the system itself does damage. In our case, we were fortunate to have a good social worker. In fact, everyone with whom we worked directly has been very kind.

Jodi has done a great job of helping me appreciate and enjoy kids. She is great at being open with them about expectations, about seeing their strengths, and loving them through it all. She is also good at just being playful. She's a kid-magnet and always has been.

Between Jodi and the adoption process, I have flat-out changed. I find myself falling in love with kids everywhere I go, wanting to take them home with me. I appreciate them- their spunk, their forthrightness, and their energy.

I've gone from not wanting to adopt, to truly looking forward to it.

Any of you dads out there who are concerned about adoption, give it time, and be open to the possibility. It's a chance to change lives, both of kids and of your own.

Any worries I had about disrupting what I considered to be our perfect family are being quickly dispelled. In fact, I see our family changing, but it's for the better. I've watched our children undergo some of the same change I have experienced through the process. Their hearts have gone out to these children and they have been willing to sacrifice a lot to help them- I'm so proud of their thoughtfulness and patience.

Adoption requires a huge leap of faith, but what a unique chance to grow and learn to love more fully! God has done some amazing work in my heart. What a change in me He has wrought.