What a Change in Me!

(by Jan Pizzuto)

What a process this has been! It's amazing, heartbreaking, and insightful to learn what these children go through who are in the care of Social Services.

I am honored and thrilled to have Christian with us for her first visit. She is vivacious, open, and likes to smile. She's absolutely adorable. I'm looking forward to the days ahead.

It's amazing to me that just a couple years ago, I said a very definite No when Jodi expressed interest in adopting. I've already had kids. I don't need to make my life any more complicated, I thought.

Then one day, it dawned on me that this wasn't just a passing fancy for Jodi. This was a dream of hers. She's always been good about supporting my dreams, so I began to think and pray about it. Gradually, I gave way a little at a time (I'm rather stubborn and thick-skulled, you know) until one day, I agreed to go through the certification process.

We agreed that we'd just get certified, and then if God sent some kids our way, we'd know he wanted us to do this. I guess I pictured kids showing up in a basket on the doorstep or something of the sort.

The classes were excellent, and I learned a good deal about parenting. I'd recommend the classes for new parents or prospective parents: they are eye-opening.

Some of these children experience horrendous, wrenching changes in their lives. Imagine you are a child, and a social worker shows up at your house, instructs you to gather your belongings-no more than a bag of stuff, and takes you away from your family. You don't know if you'll ever see them again. Even for a child who has negligent or abusive parents, this sudden separation is incredibly traumatic!

These children then enter the system where they are sent generally to multiple foster homes. Some of these experiences are good and some are not so good, but these are only temporary situations and they don't allow the child to put down roots.

Some of these kids then are returned home to their families. Others are put up for adoption. In both of these situations, things do not always go smoothly. I wish I could say that every time a child was adopted out, they were met with loving, patient arms and there was a happy ending, but I can't say that.

Some of these kids end up getting rejected by their adoptive families as well! Can you imagine after being rejected by your birth parents, you were rejected by your adoptive family as well? What kind of neuroses this would create, I can only imagine. We have been following a case of a sibling group; a boy and girl who after being rejected many times, have now been split from each other and are being adopted out separately! The only constant they have had in life was eachother, and now that's being taken away from them too.

So sometimes the system itself does damage. In our case, we were fortunate to have a good social worker. In fact, everyone with whom we worked directly has been very kind.

Jodi has done a great job of helping me appreciate and enjoy kids. She is great at being open with them about expectations, about seeing their strengths, and loving them through it all. She is also good at just being playful. She's a kid-magnet and always has been.

Between Jodi and the adoption process, I have flat-out changed. I find myself falling in love with kids everywhere I go, wanting to take them home with me. I appreciate them- their spunk, their forthrightness, and their energy.

I've gone from not wanting to adopt, to truly looking forward to it.

Any of you dads out there who are concerned about adoption, give it time, and be open to the possibility. It's a chance to change lives, both of kids and of your own.

Any worries I had about disrupting what I considered to be our perfect family are being quickly dispelled. In fact, I see our family changing, but it's for the better. I've watched our children undergo some of the same change I have experienced through the process. Their hearts have gone out to these children and they have been willing to sacrifice a lot to help them- I'm so proud of their thoughtfulness and patience.

Adoption requires a huge leap of faith, but what a unique chance to grow and learn to love more fully! God has done some amazing work in my heart. What a change in me He has wrought.

The Big Day

Today is the big day. Christian comes to visit our family for the entire weekend. She should be here this morning... such excitement that has been in this house. Barak couldn't sleep last night and I found him reading with his head lamp on (yes, he has a work-light that straps to his head). Riana was bouncing off the walls as I put her to bed last night, even though she's just gotten over the flu. Jan was telling me a few times last night how excited he was for the weekend.

I was saying Riana is getting over the flu?? Yes, well -- that's a story. I made phone calls like crazy on Tuesday, trying to find a way for us to meet Christian before the weekend. I was looking at it from a child's point of view and thinking how scary it must be to know for a whole week (light years in child-speak) that you're going to stay for a whole weekend (centuries) with some people you've never seen, never talked to... and I started to worry about her. SO... many phone calls and emails later, we had phone visitation. And one more discussion got us an in-person visit scheduled for... the very next day.

Such excitement was abounding in the Pizzuto house! Woo-hoo! We were all going to pile in the car, go to the DSS office, and meet her... talk to her. Get to know her a little. And then it happened. In the middle of the night, Riana started throwing up and didn't stop -- all night long. One exhausting night, a morning in bed... and Riana was up and in the bathtub, trying to get ready to meet her new sister. She was a trooper. She was determined. She was... sick. She gave up, crying, and said she couldn't go.

Jan graciously insisted on staying home with Riana, and Barak and I went to meet her.

She's wonderful. Funny, talkative, easy to engage... she says everything that comes into her head! How can you not like a child like that? To never have to wonder what's going on inside there... perfect! Barak brought along the Connect 4x4 and within two minutes they were on the floor playing game after game.

Christian expressed disappointment when our visiting time was over. And she came to me and quietly said, "Maybe... if it snows... they'll let me come to your house Thursday instead! That way, I can stay longer."

So it seems my worries about her being afraid were unfounded. But it was still wonderful to have a chance to meet her. And now the day has arrived where the whole family will not only meet her - but live with her for a weekend.

And then... another post.

Moving Fast

Next weekend is the big weekend. We get to meet our new daughter - she will be staying with us from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon.

According to my social worker, DSS is pushing for a move-in date. They had wanted to move her in next weekend without a visit, but our SW has our back. She wouldn't allow that. Whew!! She did warn me, though, that DSS will be pushing for a move-in date after the weekend.

I guess I shouldn't have complained so much about how I hate the "wait and see" stuff. I am apparently not going to get any more of that at all!!

No More Wait

The news has arrived. We were the "chosen ones!!" We are going to have a new daughter! Barak and Riana are bouncing off the walls in their excitement, and I have to admit that I'm pretty stoked, too. Not only are we out of the wait and see phase, but she should be living with us fairly soon.

Hopefully, it won't be too long and I'll be able to post some new family pictures!

Confusion... serious confusion

You know... "wait and see" gets pretty old after a while. When I said we were back to "wait and see," I didn't think it would last this long. But we still do not have word on which family is/was chosen for that little girl. I suppose there were some mitigating circumstances which could be affecting the rapidity of the process. The little girl's social worker was quite pregnant and was rushing around to get things done before she went on maternity leave. It's quite possible that her baby came a few days early... but the long and short of it is, we still do not know.

But our social worker called us yesterday and asked us if we would consider the possibility of a sibling group of three. And... so we're back to square one? I have no idea.

I do have to say, it's very strange to become emotionally connected to a child I've never met -- only to be wrenched this way and that, back and forth... and then introduced to the idea of different children... to become somewhat emotionally connected to them as well. There are limits, people -- we can't take them all. How much heart can get ripped out of a person?

So - the latest news is that we're back to "wait and see" and we're still at "wait and see."

I guess we'll have to wait... and see.

Two Blogs in One

There has been a lot going on this last week! First of all, a week ago today we found out that we were being considered as a family for a little girl. We were interviewed on Thursday and should find out tomorrow if we have been chosen. The girl's social worker said that she received 35 family profiles, she narrowed it down from 35 to three... and then ruled one of those families out due to distance. So it was between us and one other family. Our interview went well -- so we will just wait and see.

Then, we were alerted on Friday that there was a two year old boy needing respite care for the weekend. We shrugged and said, "Sure... why not?" So we had a very active two year old for the weekend. And we learned something important about ourselves. We had known that fostering was probably not for us... but even planned respite care is too hard on us emotionally. We had a child for two days -- and handing him off was heart-wrenching. NOT GOOD.

SO... lots going on. We'll know more tomorrow. We're back to "wait-and-see."